3/29/7 - Another year gone by without an update.  Yeah, sorry about that.  It's funny.  I haven't gotten into my freehomepage editor is such a long time.  They have an auto blogger function now, so I don't have to do this stuff manually the way I've been doing for years.  Way to go guys!  Too bad I already have so many entries in this thing.  No sense in switching over now.
So here's an update on the past year. I took last fall off from school to enlist in the Tennessee Air Force National Guard and play in the 572nd band. I attended 4 or 5 drills and was scheduled to leave for basic this June. Last month I requested my release. It's just not working out for me and the benefits are not nearly as good as I originally believed. I returned to school this spring only to have to withdraw because I have no one to watch my kids while I'm in class. I started bartending, assistant managing and teaching the orientation classes at work last fall. That has all gone very well. Now there is talk about me moving up to management sometime this year. If they can keep me local I will definitely go for it.
I wrote a new trumpet solo with piano accompaniment lat year and entered it into Harrelson Trumpet's composition contest. I just found out a couple days ago that I won 4th place. The prize is a trim kit for my trumpet, which is worth up to $350. Not bad at all. I need to go take my daughter for a bike ride now, so I'll try to get some more updating done later, including posting new compositions from the past year.

2/15/6 - Been nearly a year since I've updated the journal.  Obviously my priorities in life have changed over time.  The family, job and school are taking up a lot of my time.  What little free time I have is divided between woodworking, music and rest.
I did manage to write a song yesterday. I started it Monday morning and finished it up yesterday. It's dark and unlike anything I've written before. Check it out in the music section.
Becca and I have been having problems lately. I'm not going to get into all of the details but it looks like she's going to change jobs next school year. The school where she's currently working is just too stressful. Hopefully that, along with some other small changes, will be enough to keep us sane.
Becca mentioned last night the possibility of me foregoing my student teaching semester and jumping right into teaching. I'm really starting to consider it because I can't stand this situation anymore and I honestly don't know how we'll manage financially if I student teach. I won't be able to work full time and I will no longer be elligible for financial aid. I'll graduate with over 200 credits, exceeding the limit for financial aid.
I'm so tired of my job. I'm so tired of school. My senior recital is coming up March 31st. For those who know anything about trumpet literature I'll be performing:
Intrada - Honneger
Sonata - Ewazen
(Intermission)
Concert Etude - Goedicke
Eiffel Tower Polka - Poulenc
Nightsongs - Peaslee

It should be a fun show. I have a few family members driving up as well as several friends who plan on attending.
Last week I saw the doctor for depression. I'm now back on Zoloft again. It's been nearly 7 years since my last bout of depression. This time is a little different because there are so many things in my life bringing my down. Last Friday while I was staying at some friends' house I bought a big jug of Bacardi and sat down for lunch. I had a Killian's with my food then proceeded to down 7 tall shots of rum, chased with Pepsi. All in about an hour. I don't remember much else that happened over the next 18 hours. Becca called and I told her I'd been drinking. A couple of friends showed up while I was passed out on the bathroom floor (after having vomited). They helped me to the couch and talked to me for a while. I started drinking around 1:00 and finished around 2:00. I woke up about 8 hours later and stayed up for a couple hours to watch some Jenny McCarthy movie. The only good thing I did that day was making sure that I got trashed early enough to allow me to recover in time for a double shift at work the next day. I guess I'm lucky I didn't get alcohol poisoning.

5/17/5 - Been quite a while since the last update. From the looks of the counters very few people have missed anything.
I finished another semester at UTC. 4 more to go. One of those will be student teaching though. Then we'll be gone! It's looking like we're beginning to settle on moving to Ohio. It's a bit of a compromise. For years I've wanted to move west, to Colorado, Oregon or Washington. I wanted a cooler climate with a nice landscape, out of the bible belt for sure, close to a larger city. Ohio has some of that, but is within a half day drive from Chattanooga, where all of Becca's family is. Becca really wanted out of the bible belt, and I think she wanted to keep some of the hills and mountains, but she doesn't care about the city size. I mean, nothing tiny, but she think Chattanooga is fairly big. She also doesn't really like cold weather, so she's compromising with Ohio, because we will definitely see more snow up there than we do down here. As far as specific cities I've been researching all of the larger areas: Cincinnati, Dayton, Columbus, Akron, Cleveland and Toledo. From what my mom tells me (she lived in Cleveland for a long time) we probably won't like the last 3 since they're in northern Ohio and are more industrial. We visited Cincinnati last fall for my birthday. I think we both liked some things there, but probably spent most of our visit on the wrong side of the city or something, because much of what we saw was abandoned warehouses and industrial buildings. The demographics also seemed extremely skewed. Dayton sounds good from what I have read and what people who have lived there tell me. It's a mid sized city, around 1.5 million in the county, and right in the middle of two large cities: Cincinnati and Columbus. Right now, though, Columbus is at the top of my list. Becca and I both want to go back to school at some point. Ohio State is probably the best school in the state for both of our fields, and it's located in Columbus. The demographics for the city are also exactly what we want. Teacher salaries and school performances also rank at the top of the state. Cleveland pays the most, but also costs the most. My main worry is that at 1.5 million in the city (largest in the state and 15th largest city in the country) is might be too big for Becca. We'd live in a suburb, but she's just not used to anything bigger than the 250,000 in the Chattanooga metro. We have about a year and a half to decide before we need to start applying for jobs and planning the move. Hopefully we'll make a few trips up that way in the coming 18 months and make a decision we'll be happy with.

10/19/4 - I'm always tired.  I usually get around 6 or 7 hours of sleep, and most nights that's interrupted once or twice by a crying child, or a knee in the back.  Then I wake up every morning at 5:30 by extremely loud and shitty music because that's all that will wake up my Becca.  This happens 7 days a week because she never turns the alarm off for fear that she will forget to turn it back on.  Then during the next 75 minutes before my alarm goes off, Becca will ask me stupid questions, scream to me that her pet spider is molting, or remind me of some errand that I am supposed to run.  Then just 10 minutes or so before my alarm goes off she walks in with my daughter to give me a kiss before they leave.  I think I'm depressed again.  I know I'm not happy.  Shit.  That's been obvious for a long time!

I've been participating in a monthly midi contest the last 3 months. Last month I entered "Roswell" and finished 3rd. "A Child's Dream" did okay the previous month, but was hurt by the lack of humanness in the sequencing. This month I submitted "Thoughts of Being a Father" and it has received horrible reviews for such reasons as:
1) People don't know the difference in an introduction and a solo
2) People don't know the difference in an oboe and a string instrument
3) People don't realize that music has to be written with the intention of fitting into a set of limited genres
4) People don't realize that dissonance is okay (and the also think the word is "distant", which means they're morons!
5) People don't realize that a piece doesn't have to be complicated to be good.

You can tell I'm irritated with the moronic "peer" interviewers.

Work sucks now as much as ever; maybe more.  We're in the middle of "Endless Shrimp".  I beg you, do not put a sever through Endless Shrimp.  Do not laugh when you ask for bread at a restaurant, especially when you are asking for it in place of buying an appetizer.  They may laugh with you, but they're faking.  They hate you, and you are not funny.  You are irritating and cheap.  We have another month and a half of this crap to go.  That's much too long.  Then when it's over we're changing uniforms to long sleeve shirts and long aprons.  Not good.

I'm starting to get a few jobs here and there playing trumpet.  I have lined up for this Sunday morning at a church.  Then I'll go wait tables that night.  I have another day of playing already set in mid December.  I expect to get a lot of gigs around Xmas.  One of my friends who plays trumpet here says he made over ,000 playing last December, and he won't be available for most of those jobs this year because he's directing his church's choird.  Of course, he gets paid a year and only works 2 days a week, and probably only puts in about 10 hours a week.  That's over /hr.  Not bad at all.  Damn some churches sure are stupid.  Then again, they do convince hundreds and thousands of people to fork over a big percentage of their paycheck, so maybe they're not so stupid afterall.

If I get caught up on my school papers and studying for tests I'll go ahead and make the final tweaks on my CD and start selling it through Pay Pal and MP3.com.  As it stands now, the CD will include:
Within
Thoughts of Being a Father
The Second Time
Shine On My Path
She Is
Probably Stolen
Present Tree
E3
Day One
Dance of Tears
Cave of Mystery
Joshua
Hilston's Theme
Missing
Knot
Rain
Quickie
Premonition
Roswell

That's 19 pieces, and 22 tracks.  If anyone has any last minute requests please email me now and I'll see what I can do.  I'm mainly sticking to the piano and smaller ensemble pieces because those are the easiest to get a good recording.  I did leave some popular pieces off (This is Me, Summitt, The Sky Is Blue, Nad the Nerd, etc.), but all of these pieces have received positive comments from listeners in the past, so hopefully just about everyone who likes my music should find something they like on this CD.

I'd still like to get some more work done on Golden Lily, my symphonic work.  I received a lot of criticism on the first movement once I sent it out for reviews.  I've been reworking some of it here and there, making a lot of cuts.  I've very frustrated with it.  I started working on the second movement, Discovery, where Lilia sees a poster for gymnastics with her grandmother and leaves her home in Donetsk to train in Kiev.  I like quite a bit of what I have so far, but needed a break from it, so I haven't written in a while.

Sometimes I wonder when life is going to get easier, things will settle down and I will stop having so many things to be frustrated and unhappy with.

8/19/4 - My daughter, Brooklyn, is now 1 year old.  I took her to the doctor for her checkup a few days ago and everything is great . . . blah blah blah.  I know you people don't care.  But it turns out that she's frakin' huge!  We already knew she was a bit chubby.  He brother was a chubby baby too (now he's a bean pole).  She's about in the 80th percentile for her weight.  The real news was her height.  95th percentile!  Holy moly!
My classes start back up this coming Monday.  I'm looking forward to some regularity in my schedule.  It won't make me hate my job any less, but maybe once I finish my CD (I'm almost done) some of you will buy it, so I won't have to work quite as much.  Then I could spend more time writing new music for new CDs.
We need a new couch. Joshua, my son, is 4 and still doesn't quite have control over his bladder when he sleeps. We usually put a pull-up on him at night, just to be safe. Lately, my wife has been forgetting to do so. I think it just gets late and she's too tired to fool with it. Hell, for a while there she wasn't even putting him in bed at night. She just let him watch TV on the couch till he fell asleep there. I can understand that a little, since he shares his room with Brooklyn, and it takes her forever to go to sleep some nights. And then once she is asleep it doesn't take much to wake her up. Anyway, 3 or 4 times now this summer Joshua has slept on the couch without a pull-up, ans guess what? Our couch now posesses the beautiful fragrance of urine. Actually it's a loveseat, which is the other reason we need a couch. 4 people in the house, and only a spot for 2 in the living room. Even my wife, the math teacher (who struggles with basic math), can figure out that we need more seating.
Why don't many of you sign my guestbook? Is it because I'm so fat? Is it because I smell bad? I know I get 200-300 visitors a month most of the time, and usually only 1, maybe 2 entries. Okay, I know guestbooks aren't nearly as popular as they used to be, but at least they're still fun for me to read. It feed my ego. Well, sometimes.
I could have sworn I had something more significant to tell everyone today.

6/30/4 - I have done a few small updates to the site.  The cover pic of myself is from my anniversary in March.  I added 2 new pieces.  One is for a film composition contest.  The other is the first movement of a symphony I'm trying to write.  It's actually a re-write of a 7 movement piece I wrote in 1996 about an athlete from the Atlanta Olympics.  I like what I have so far, but it needs some work.  I welcome any feedback anyone has.  I'll be sending it out to some musician friends to get their input.  Right now the first movement is just over 14 minutes long.  It may get longer.  It may get shorter.  It may stay the same.  But this is a big deal for me, so I want to do it right.

6/6/4 - Apparently there's some loser hanging around this website who thinks he's some sort of program tester, trying to crash my guestbook or something.  I'm sure he or she is probably just some lonely little 11 year old who just got out of school and has no friends, and therefore nothing better to do with their life, but come on.  I guess the most pathetic thing is that they've tried it twice, and all it's done is caused some people to scroll down a couple of extra pages to see the real entries.  So I take the extra 30 seconds to edit the guestbook and delete his/her entries so things look normal.  Sorry little kid, but you're just going to have to try harder.

5/7/4 - Wow.  I think this is the longest I've gone without updating the journal.  It doesn't appear that much of anyone has missed it though.
Updating from my last entry: Brooklyn still has no teeth and is practically bald. She's over 20 lbs, crawling everywhere, pulling up, threatening to walk, and saying "momma", "dada", "nana", and "uh-oh!"
My first semester back in school went well. All A's. Right now I'm in the market for some more trumpets. I've been doing a lot of research the last 2 weeks. My wife thinks I'm crazy. I have a feeling if I had things my way I'd own about 20 horns. Realistically, I could see myself owning 7 or 8 in the next 5 or 10 years. That's not too outrageous, so long as I continue to play. As for me graduating, it looks like I just may get my bachelors in another 2 1/2 years. That's right, 3 universities over 10 years, taking 3 years off, and switching majors 3 times, I have an end in site, and I don't think my in-laws will let me stop this time.
My contract with my web host for chameleonworks.com has run out. May 8 (tomorrow) will be its final day. I can't justify spending the money to keep it running. I don't have the time or desire really.
Brooklyn calls . . .

12/15/3 - I think Brooklyn is starting to cut her first tooth.  And what idiot came up with this plan, that tiny 4 month old babies should suffer the pain of dull teeth ripping through their gums from the inside out?  We're talking about the same tiny babies that can't stand the absolute torture of going 3 hours without eating.  Or in Brooklyn's case, 2 hours.
I might as well go ahead an apologize now for several things, such as infrequent updates to my page, and this journal in particular, and often babbling about Brooklyn.  We all know how famous comedians like Paul Riser suddenly become much less funny when they begin to discuss children.  Mabel ruined "Mad About You" and sent it to Lifetime.  Brooklyn will not ruin my sense of humor.  My priorities have changed, however.
Both of my 2003 NFL predictions had some serious flaws. Come on, I originally picked San Diego to go all the way! In fact, the only original picks I made for the playoffs that are still alive are Indianapolis, Kansas City, St. Louis and Green Bay. At this point I'm just routing for Oakland to lose their last 2 games so they might be able to draft Eli Manning.
I've been playing fantasy football this year. I have 3 teams in Yahoo leagues, and 2 are in the playoffs. It looks like one of those will be going for the championship this weekend. Yay for me, right? Actually I think the main reason I had any success was just because I stuck with things. I finished with a winning record in all three leagues, after starting out miserably. But since it's only fantasy football, none of it really matters anyway. Still, I have been moderately successfull in my game picks, both in the NFL and NCAA. Going against the spread I finished the College season in the 96th percentile on Yahoo (6,146th of 155,002 players) and am currently in the 91st percentile for the NFL (22,910th of 266,715 players). But I realize that simply by making picks every week I would almost automatically make the 60th percentile or better.
Now to something some of you might care about: my music. I've been working on salvaging something from The Junkyard. Check out "Slow and Beautiful". I've written about 3 1/2 minutes worth of sound, but I need more on an introduction and some more development. The piece seems very empty right now. I'd like to finish it up before the year is over, since my only other works this year are "Joshua" and "The Supper Happy Nerd Make Song Song". I think that would be my lowest total compositions since I started writing. Then again, I never wrote anything even remotely decent till 7 years ago.
I know I haven't written anything funny in a long time. I'll work on that.

10/10/3 - I updated my 2003 NFL predictions based on what I've seen in the first 5 weeks.
Brooklyn weighs 12 1/4 pounds after 9 weeks of living. She's going to be a linebacker.

9/24/3 - I always saw myself being a family man someday. I guess it's just so f*^@ing mind blowing to realize that now is someday. But I am learning new skills, such as how to move a mouse and type with one hand while holding and feeding a baby with the other, and still somehow manage to keep our 3 year from crawling all over me while screaming "Horsey! Horsey!!!" Now if I can just find a way to get them both calm at the same time so I can finally put last weeks laundry away.
For those of you who took the time to view my NFL predictions, you probably think I'm an idiot after the first 3 weeks. I picked San Diego over the Rams in the Super Bowl. Both teams look like crap now. Then again, the only time San Diego ever went to the Super Bowl they started out 0-4. Still, after 4 weeks I will remake my predictions. Some of my top teams, like Indi, KC, Miami, and Buffalo will remain high, but others are duds. Still, others have been much better than I expected, such as Minnesota, Seattle, Denver and Baltimore. Check back for my update.
As for my CD, computer difficulties and time issues have taken their toll. If anyone has specific suggestions as to which pieces be included, please email me.

9/5/3 - It's been nearly four months since my last update. I've been rather busy. I started a second full-time job in June working 12 hour shifts overnight. Becca had to quit working all together a couple weeks later. 3 weeks ago I quit that night job and began working at Red Lobster. But the big news is what happened four weeks ago today. Brooklyn Grace Millott was born at 1:00PM EST weighing in at 8 lbs, 10 oz and 19 3/4" long. She's doing great now and Joshua is taking to her really well.
I'm still hoping to get my CD ready for sale this year, but with the extra work and baby and all other family stuff I don't know if it will be possible. I also intend to post a select handful of pieces at MP3.com for free download as sort of a preview. And one of these days I'd like to beef up chameleonworks.com, but who knows when that will happen? This January my time will be even more restricted as I am planning to return to college once again in an attempt to finish my bachelors degree.
One other piece of trivial news is my 2003 NFL predictions. I went through the entire season schedule and calculated how I thought the season would turn out, all the way to the Super Bowl.

5/13/3 - Been kind of busy I suppose. Becca slipped and fell in the shower a couple weeks ago and had to stay in the hospital overnight. She and the baby are both fine though. Work is miserable, mainly because I'm hardly making any money. I desperately need a second job or something, otherwise we won't be able to pay our bills one the baby comes and Becca can't work.
One a related note, I'm planning to beginning selling my first CD this summer through Chameleon Works. I'm not yet sure which pieces to include, or how much I will charge, but all of that will be posted once I have decided. If you have any question don't hesitate to email me.

4/12/3 - Becca's been off from school all week thanks to Spring Break. I've spent most of my free time with her and Joshua, and also cleaning up the garage. This was the best time to do it, considering 80% of the stuff that needed to be cleaned/moved was hers. I floored the crawl space above the garage and moved her crap up there after she went through it all. Now I just need to build some shelves in the garage and get things a little better organized and I'll be all set.
I don't remember anymore if I ever listed my place of employment on this site. I work for a well-known restaurant generally located off of the interstate. I wait tables and beg for cash handouts from people who I don't know, and who don't know me (yet they trust me to handle their food and get their drinks). Work has been rocky, and tips have been poor, so I've been looking for another job. I've had no luck at all, but am still optimistic.
You know what it feels like to be 24, have completed 4 1/2 years of college at 2 schools and worked on 2 majors over the course of 6 years, then to have to quit once again for an indefinite amount of time, not knowing when you will go back, or even where, or what you might major in, not even knowing what kind of career your degree might lead you to? DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT FEELS LIKE??? It's depressing. By the looks of things I may not have the chance to graduate till I'm 29!!! yuck

3/18/3 - Pictures and a video from the ultrasound are in.

3/16/3 - There be 10,000 hits here!

3/10/3 - I am married. This link will work soon.

3/5/3 - I just wrote a new piece. Check it out in the music section. Of course, it won't compare to my last piece, "Joshua". He really loves it. Every time I play it he runs over to the computer and climbs up in my lap to listen. When it's over he fusses and points at the screen or mouse and shouts "again!" I might need to write some more music in the same style.

3/3/3 - It looks like one or two updates a month is all anyone should expect of me for a while. Between waiting tables on weekends and in the evenings, taking care of a 2 1/2 year old who can't decide whether or not he loves me, hates me, or is terrified of me, helping out/taking care of a pregnant fiancee, and just trying to live my life, there isn't a lot of room left for this little site. But I do like the new attention I seem to be getting from CloudEight since they've been featuring my music on their email stationary. Maybe someday this kind of stuff will lead me to a professional recording/CD, publishing, or some kind of sound track authoring career, but for now it's just something I can do in my free time.
In personal news, I'm getting married this Friday. My sister and brother in law are driving in that night, along with my dad flying in. No other friends or family is able to come because of proximity and the way this thing was thrown together so quickly. Saturday is our reception, and that night we leave for our 1 day honeymoon. It's not ideal by any means, but in the last 6 months very little has been. Still, the important things are going well.

2/19/3 - I'm back. I haven't been online in almost 4 weeks. Becca and I moved into our new place (brand new) and had no phone service. Bellsouth has been a pain in the butt for the past week, but we finally got things up and running.
I can't give a full update since it's been so long since my last entry, but I'll cover the big things. 2 family members have recently signed my guestbook. I think that's kind of funny. I've had this website for a year and a half and this is the first they've seen it. There's a reason for that. I never intended for any of my family to see this. That's why I never gave out the URL. Don't ask how they all have it now. I suppose I could have accidentally given it out. But I guess if they want to read this crap they can go right ahead. There's a lot of stuff here I didn't want them to know about though. That's all.
Onto more news. I've had a nasty cold these past several days. I missed 3 straight days of work because I had a fever as high as 103.6. The fever is down now, but I still feel rather crappy. I just about lost my voice at work last night. I have to talk and yell way too much. Some of you might be wondering about my job, since I haven't mentioned working since the move. I am a server at the glamorous Cracker Barrel. The money sucks, but at least the work is boring. I'm still looking for something better.
Those of you who check the guestbook know by now that not only are Becca and I engaged, but we're also going to have a baby. We're due August 15. In another 4 weeks or so we can find out the baby's sex. Becca's mom is really pushing us to get married immediately. I don't see what difference it makes since the baby was still conceived before marriage. But it matters to her. Still, the thing is, this isn't her child, or her marriage. The only thing now is that with all of Becca's raging hormones she's changing everything we agreed on to get married. Originally she wanted to get married right after graduation this May. That sounded good to me at first, but then I said I wanted to wait a year or more. Now she's right there with her mom, wanting to get married ASAP. We're still in agreement on something small, probably eloping. But now they're planning a reception afterwards. To me that kind of kills half of the reason for eloping in the first place. Becca does a lot of things different that I'm used to. She has a lot of "traditional" ideas in her head that I've never heard of. It's not easy to get used to, coming from such a modern woman.

1/11/3 - My first update of the year. Now that I'm living with Becca I don't have anyone nagging me to make constant updates.
A bit of news: A few of my compositions are being featured on a very popular site beginning today. The webmaster told me to expect 5-10,000 hits today, but this will be split between this site and Chameleon Works. I've been fixing links over there, adding counters, fixing some logos, etc. just to make sure the debut ges smoothly. In a 10 minute period I got 64 hits on the front page. But apparently half of those people get scared off and don't view any more of the site. Too bad.

12/31/2 - I updated this on xmas eve, but freehomeage crapped out before my changes could be saved. I was understandably upset, since my update was rather long. Since then things have changed, as they always do.
I am now living in north Georgia, 15 minutes south of Chattanoga, TN, with Becca, my bride to be. Yes, we're engaged. Got a ring, proposed and everything.
These last 2+ weeks have been extremely busy. The move went smoothly, though I did most of the work by myself. Becca was feeling ill and slept most of the day while I loaded the truck. She was much better during the unloading and subsequent repacking of most of my belongings in a storage unit though. Our 1 bedroom, 750 sq. ft. apartment is quite cramped at the moment, but we're hoping to find something larger soon.
Xmas was the busiest time of all. 1 visit to her paternal grandparents the weekend before, 1 visit t her maternal granparents the night before, then visits to her dad, aunt, and mother the day of, and ending it all by driving 6 hours to Florida later that night to see my family.
I've not yet found a job. Actually, I've had very few opportunities to look so far. I went around to a few places yesterday but am not counting on them. More then likely I'll end up waiting tables, at least for a while. The thing is, for tuition purposes I need to work in Tennessee. That doesn't actually hurt too much. There are plenty of opportunities in East Ridge and Chattanooga.
More to come later.

12/13/2 - These are, and will remain for a while, strange times in my life. I finished my final exams at UNT yesterday. For much of today and the later half of yesterday I have been packing. First with the obvious items:books, videos, CDs, computer software, paintings, etc. Today I moved on to my garage. And as the nightmare began. The hand tools were easy. Just throw them into a tool box or tool bag and close it up. Many of the power tools were easy. Leave them in the case. But odds and ends . . . ah, yes. This is what brings me much pain. Loose sheets of sandpaper. A stick of epoxy. Bar clamps, C-clamps, spring clamps, pipe clamps, mitre clamps, ratcheting clamps, zip clamps, vises (plural), bungee cords, rope, screws, nails, hinges, loose drill bits, jigs, tool attachments, etc. But I have a very sohistacted and complicated system for sorting and packing these pieces. So complicated, in fact, that to anyone else who might watch, or examine the boxes once packed, it would perhaps appear as though I just randomly through these loose ends in several small boxes and said, "Aw, screw it!" But the would be so so wrong. For I said "fuck" instead of screw, because I have way too much freakin' crap!!!
Disassembling my 7-station martial arts gym was oh so much fun. Why didn't you come help? You all would have loved it. And yes, you are invited to help me re-assemble some day when I once again have room for it. But alas, I do not know when, or if, that day will ever come. This Tuesday I will be moving from a 4 bedroom house with a large living area and a dining room converted into a den, with a 2 car garage in the back (that I share with one person), into a guestimated 500 sq ft. 1 bedroom apartment shared with my lovely girlfriend, Becca, and her 2 year old son. Nearly everything I own will be placed into a storage unit until the day we move to a larger place. I wish I could tell you all when this move would take place. And I would, if only we knew. We're hoping for mid-January, but more realistic is February. Until then I will be left to share my 6'6" wide king size bed with these two new members of my life, waiting for a time when I have room enough to breathe.
Tomorrow the packing continues. Most of the garage is done. Next is the storage shed. This will be more than merely packing. I must sift through unlabled boxes, unpacking, repacking the good, and disposing of the bad. Sunday I will wrap up any remaining loose ends, such as office supplies, nick nacks, the clock on my wall, picture frames on my desk, as well as cleaning out my car. I figure since Becca's taking her time to fly out here and drive my car back rather than making me rent a hitch for the truck, I might as well do what I can to make that drive more pleasant for her. Whataburger bags off of the floor. Peel off the old banana peel from the floor mat. Sparring gear, golf clubs, basketball, baseball equipment, soccer cleats, and footballs out of the trunk. Why do I need to clean out the trunk? Not really that good of a question. Think of something better next time.

12/2/2 - I think Becca wanted me to update this. Happy?

11/11/2 - Two days ago I finally told my mom that I have decided to move in with Becca . . . in Tennessee. She took it fairly well too. She only cried for 2 or 3 hours, and now she's talking about it in a positive way -- glad to be getting rid of me after 24 years. It looks like the moving date will be December 16th or 17th. Becca will probably fly in the day before, help pack and load, then drive my car while I drive the truck. Then it's 12 or 13 hours on the road before I arrive to my new home.
I don't know that this move will change my websites too much. If anything I will be updating them more than I currently do. I probably won't get into spring classes, so I'll have at least a semester off. That means just 5 or 6 days a week with work. Becca will be busy with school and maybe work, so I'll have nothing better to do than work on this stuff.

11/03/2 - I think I might add some new pictures and music to this site as early as tonight. I know I should add them to Chameleon Works first, but I haven't had the time to work on that site the way I need to, and it's still getting very few visitors. At least this place gets a few thousand hits each year.
Anyway, I have a handful of new photos from my visits with Becca, and I have some new music as well. Some is related to Becca, some not. Actually, I probably won't post most of the stuff related to her. You folks don't like that sentimental stuff anyway.

10/24/2 - i don't want to be here. not in texas. not in this situation. not in this life. i'm on an ongoing ride through a world of melancholia where at every stop the scenery gets better while i sink in deeper and deeper, and i'm bound to get stuck sooner or later either to wallow through a life of self-pity and misery or to sink beneath the surface and drown, never to be seen or heard from again.

10/20/2 - Psychology paper due Tuesday, Psychology and History exams Thursday, Government work due Thursday, have to instruct the aerobics class next Tuesday, Government exam next Thursday. 2 busy fucking weeks.

10/15/2 - I have returned from a 4 day trip to Georgia, and brought back a new knowledge:
- jacknife = bed hog = the younger you are, the more room you take up in a bed
- 4 times in 4 days isn't bad for someone who's only done it once before in their entire life
- it's more fun for a 2 year old to run around Chuck E Cheese than to actually play any games
- I am capable of bowling a 200, even with a 14 lbs ball that doesn't fit my fingers
- southerners are still as racist as ever

10/06/2 - After subscribing to the New York Times online this semester for an American Government course I am convinced that this paper serves little purpose when dialy there are a minimum of 2 articles about the situation with Iraq. These articles could all be reduced 90% if they stopped repeating themselves. In the last 2 days I read 5 articles pertaining to our Iraqi relations, not learning anything I didn't already learn from the last month of articles.
I'm going back to Georgia to see Becca this Thursday evening and will return Monday night. Since this trip is lasting long I have the feeling it will seem less like a vacation, and I may get more of a feeling of what every day life could be like with Becca, exept neither of us will be working or going to classes. Still, I doubt it will be like the last 2 visits where we did nothing but relax together.
Apparently the roumor is already out at work that I'm moving. I just heard it today as the store was closing. That's what happens when you get too many fat women with no life of their own sitting around and listening, half-assed, to other peoples' conversations. Pisses me off!

9/29/2 - Tae kwon do is no more. I called a few days ago and canceled my membership. I just don't have the time or energy to keep up with the classes and training. Highest rank earned: advanced blue belt. Where does that stand in the scheme of things?
white
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I find that it's good policy never to discuss your personal life with a complete stranger. Having said that, look at all of the people who have read this journal! Over 2,000. Now I know that's not 2000 individuals. It's probably more like 200, because some people check this thing every day -- some more than once a day.
I've been asked for explanations of my last two entries. I'm still not sure that I want everyone knowing what they mean. There's probably only one person right now who knows me well enough and talks to me enough to stay updated on the current goings on of my life, and she has absolutely no clue what I'm talking about. Then again, I don't really talk to her about my life all that much.
You would agree that the life I live after the next 2 or 3 years will probably be longer than these next 2 or 3 years, right? That's the 9/22 entry. If you want more details and further explanation, buy my book. So what's like a good bath? For me, a good, hard workout, letting out your frustrations on a particular matter, is like therapy. It's cleansing

9/26/2 - It's like a good bath.

9/22/2 - It's a good thing I like math.

9/20/2 - Does love have a scent? If so, of what does it most remind you? Some say love stinks. Would that be a fecal stench, which we all would agree is bad, or a mustard stench, which I happen to hate, but many people's mouths will water over? But what if love doesn't stink at all? Then might it be a sweet vanilla that makes me want to lick it all over? Or perhaps a rose, which many women claim to love, although it actually smells just like an oak leaf?

9/18/2 - Verizon Wireless service sucks ass. Oh, they have an automated system for checking your air time. It just doesn't work!
I called in sick to work again today. This is the last full sick day I have left till April. Oh well. I'm not going to be around this job much longer anyway. I'm hoping to find something else soon because I only have 2 more vacation days left and I'll need at least 11 days off between now and January. I'm sure Tommy will let me take the days off without pay, but I'd kind of like that money. I mean, 11 days adds up to about a thousand dollars. I could always use that.
What is an appropriate amount of time for a couple to spend together? I know, it's different for everyone, right? Some of you may recall my venting last spring (and even some this summer) about how I just wanted a nice relationship with a woman who only wanted to get together once a week and talk for a few minutes here and there. I didn't want to be bogged down, worrying about pleasing someone else, neglecting my other responsibilities and the activities I enjoy. Damn it if I haven't done a 180 in the last couple months.
I have 2 exams tomorrow. Am. Government (oh so yuck) and Sports Pyschology (yet to decide if it has any true use). Much boring reading down. I still have to sift through about 30 pages of notes, assignments and quizzes, figuring out what's important and what the professors want to hear. The funny thing is, as a "jock" no one expects me to get decent grades. For the first time in my life I feel no pressure for a perfect score. A C still sucks, but it wouldn't kill me. All college graduates ever tell me anymore is that no one really cares about your GPA after you graduate unless you're going to grad school, and I doubt I'll do that.
I have about 3 weeks to clean up this house and make it presentable before Becca gets here. She knows I'm not a neat freak (thank goodness she isn't either), but I at least need to get these dirty dishes out of my room (yes, even I admit it's gross). The stacks of loose papers and piles of laundry will never completely go away. It's like fleas. You can clean and get rid of them, but the eggs are still there, so they always come back. I have bad habits. I will never have a clean living environment. Presentable, perhaps. Clean, never.

9/16/2 - I spent the last 3 days in Georgia (and sort of Tennessee) with Becca. The trip went just about as I thought it would, with one exception: her son. I knew we'd have some time with him Friday and Sunday. I just didn't know what to expect. A lot of people think I hate kids. That's not the case at all. I'm terrified of them! Well, not of them, but of hurting them somehow. I know they're so fragile. If you say the wrong thing or just touch them the wrong way you're liable to ruin the rest of their life! But I don't think I had such a profound impact on Joshua in one weekend. Friday morning we went out for breakfast. That was quite an experience. I've never understood how parents can stand to take their children out to public places. I mean, even the best kids are a handful. Joshua is 2, and you know what that means; picking at his food, playing with everything within arms reach, and screaming at the top of his lungs, even when he gets his own way. But since I expected all of this it didn't phase me. I felt bad for the little guy because he didn't exactly seem happy, but I can also see that a lot of what he does is just for attention. Becca is going to give in to him every time. That's her boy and she loves him. She knows she could stand to be a little more strict, and she's admitted that he's already spoiled, but you think that's going to change anything? Hah! :) I have to admit, though, as cute as that kid is, it's really going to be hard to say "no" to him.
After breakfast we went to a little playground so he could, well, play. He hadn't yet expressed any extreme hatred for me, so I was feeling pretty good. I was playing it safe, not trying to do too much with him since he had no idea who I was. But he seemed to like it when I jumped up and down on the rope bridge with him. At least, until he had to go to the bathroom. Then he shoved me away ("bye bye"). After Becca figured out he loaded up his diaper we had to take off and get that thing changed. He pouted as we left the park and suddenly pretended like his legs didn't work (I bet you did it when you were little too). We spent the rest of the morning and afternoon watching Blue's Clues and a couple other videos until he finally gave in to nap time. After that Becca's mom came over to pick up the little guy and keep him through Sunday morning. This was my first meeting with any of the family. It was informal. She knows who I am, for the most part. Actually, she knows a hell of a lot more about me than my mom knows about Becca. I'm working on that. I'm working on other things too, but right now my big goal with mom is letting her know that I'm seriously involved with a 21 year old woman in north Georgia who has a 2 year old son. Once I get that out the rest shouldn't be so difficult.
So the visit with Becca's mom wasn't horrible. I sweated like a pig, even though I had applied my anti-perspirant just 10 minutes before. Becca and I planned to go out to dinner later that night for my birthday. He mom tried to invite herself along, jokingly *insert nervous laughter*. All in all, I don't think I made a terrible impression. I'm usually pretty good with parents. There have been times when I got along better with parents than with my friends, or dates.
So Becca and I had Friday night and all of Saturday to ourselves. As I mentioned, we went out for dinner Friday night. Actually we went out for every meal while I was there. Becca apparently doesn't know how to shop for groceries. That's something she and I will have to work on together. As a personal trainer I simply can't afford to eat out 2 or 3 times a day. That's another issue. We only ate twice a day all weekend. I normally eat 6 or more times. I just stick to very small portions. It keeps down the cravings and helps maintain a higher metabolism. It also reduces your chances of overeating. You don't go to buffets and eat till you can't eat anymore. You don't O'Charlies and down potato skin appetizers, a bowl of soup, half a loaf of bread, a 1/2 pound bacon cheeseburger, and then a brownie sundae. You just don't do that. Still, I lost 2 pounds over the weekend and I can now see 4 of 6 in my pack of abs. Hush.
Sunday it rained, and rained, and rained. We wanted to take Joshua to the park again, but mud and a 2 year old is a bad combination. So we stayed in and watched more Blue's Clue's, Barney, and Toy Story. There was this other video too. I never caught the name of it, but it featured "The Potty Song". Yes, I'm going to my potty potty.
Around 11:30am Becca's dad dropped by. He didn't even know of my existence until that moment. He also didn't seem to care too much at the time. He left just a few minutes later. I didn't quite understand the purpose of his visit, but whatever. We planned to go to his place at 1:00 to drop Joshua off for the rest of the day since we had to go to the airport and he wouldn't have handled the 4 hours in the car.
That morning I think Joshua started getting used to me just a little. At breakfast he was pretty good. Sure, half of his food ended up on the table, or the seat, but he looked so cute trying to eat his cereal by himself. We was trying so hard. He just hasn't figured out that he needs to chew and swallow each bite before moving on to the next one. He also seems to have this thing about storing food in his cheeks like a chipmunk, I guess in case he gets hungry later. :) The biggest thing about that breakfast was the man sitting at the next table over. Joshua almost climbed over the booth to his table, so this guy was well aware of us. When the 3 of us got up to return to the buffet a second time (quiet) apparently this man decided to pay for our check. It couldn't have been more than , but still. We could not believe it. Our waitress said that he just wanted to do something nice. Yeah, he probably thought we were just a struggling young family or something. Still, it was nice.
When 12:40 came and it was time to leave for Becca's dad's Joshua wanted to make sure I went along. We took my hand and I walked him out to the car. When we got there he took my hand again and let me walk him into the house. I couldn't believe it. I was so scared he would hate me, and there he was actually reaching for me. Once we got in he was close to tears. He hates staying there, mostly just because he can't be with his momma. Becca went into the living room to say hi, and Joshua pulled me to the other side of the house. It was at this time that her dad asked about me. "So who was that boy at your apartment this morning?" He hadn't realized I was there. I knew I needed to make an appaearance, but Joshua really didn't want to go, so I reluctantly picked him up. He didn't mind. He even put his arm around me. That was really a good feeling.
Okay, besides Becca and myself, no one else it probably even going to read this far. Sorry. I'll skip the rest of it. The weekend was wonderful. I'll leave it at that.

9/11/2 - Today is my birthday. What a shitty day indeed. Can't talk to the people (person) I want to talk to. Can't avoid the people who want to talk to me. Ate too much for dinner. Didn't get my hair cut. Feel sick. Feel nervous. Feel anxious. I'm tired. Just not a good day.
I saw an old man at dinner tonight eating by himself. He was trying to force his waitress to take some money, then he sat there and ate a plate of spaghetti by himself. I stared at him, wondering why he was alone. His wife is probably dead. So he's alone a lot. I always wonder about people who go out to eat alone. Especially older people. It made me want to cry.

9/10/2 - It's funny how differently one gets treated when he wears a t-shirt and athletic shorts to class. No big deal. Well, maybe the tennis racket has something to do with it. Or maybe it's because my face is red. Hmm . . . you know, all of that sweat dripping all over my body (and the resultant stink) could have something to do with it too.

9/9/2 - Current Weight/Body Fat% - 158 lbs./13.1%
Someone has requested that I make more updates here on a regular basis. Apparently since this is only a semi-personal look into my life it's quite interesting to those who get the full-blown version. Okay, to the one person who gets the full version.
Today is the 9th. My birthday is in 2 days. I'll be 24, having probably 2/3 of my life still ahead of me, every day learning more, yet still feeling as though I already knew it all. Okay, not really. I'll be one year away from my last big car insurance deduction. One year away from being a quarter of a century old. One year away from my twenties being half-way gone.
There have been quite a few developments in my life lately. So many, in fact, that I'm not going to spend the time sharing them all here.
Today I saw a former coworker at the store. I used to go to her house and repair some of her furniture and other minor problems with her house. She asked for my number so she could get me to go back and do some more work. I could use the money, so if I can find the time between work and school I might help her out. I have concerns though. Many people at work always thought she had a thing for me. This is a 44 year old Korean woman, still learning her English, but who still knows how to flaunt her obvious boob job. After I gave her my number and began walking away she asked if I'd lost any weight. As you can see from my update I have lost a few pounds. She said it looks very good, and asked how I did it. I reminded her that I'm a certified personal trainer and have pretty good exercise habits and a balanced diet. She asked if I could help her lose 10 pounds. Ugh! I like helping people, but I wish they would stop getting so fixated on weight. I don't know how, but most people have a number in their head that is their ideal weight. Before I began lifting weights and when I ran 20 miles a week and ate like a rabbit I weighed about 145. After some rough times and heavy weightlifting I ballooned up to 180 2 1/2 years later.That's 35 pounds difference. And you know what? Most of the time people still thought I was thin or in good shape. And you know what? I was. Now I'm between those numbers and in the best shape of my life, but I could gain 10 pounds and be in even better shape. It's not the numbers, people. So I may help her. She is a member of a gym club and said she can introduce me to some people there and maybe get me a job. It might be worth the time just for that opportunity. Then again, if she tries any funny business I'll have to exit.
I'm not in my 3rd week of classes, with a couple projects due this week and 2 exams next week. I've been pretty lazy about my school work, which is nothing new. I usually put as much as possible off to the last minute and even then do just the minimum, still finding a way to pull out an A most times. So now is time for me to playsome catch up. I just realized this weekend that the bookstore had one of the wrong books in for my history course, so I getto exchange that tomorrow. But it's okay -- probably only 80 pages to read there. But this is the weekend I'm going out of town to see Becca again. Fortunately I'll have time in the airport and on the plane to read. I'll have probably 6 hours with nothing else to do. Well, 4 before I get there. I doubt I'll be in the mood to read on the 2 hour flight back home with tears drowning my eyes. Yeah yeah yeah. I cry. Shut up!
Now, how does one discuss with his mom his relationship with a woman 800 miles away who he met online 2 years after ending a disastrous relationship with a girl he met online 1,000 miles away? Here's where it gets trickier. We may have just recently met in person, but we've known each other for 4 years, confinding in one another our deepest secrets, watching each other grow. Things are developing very quickly. Because she sees me talking on the phone more, sometimes hours a day, though staying up just as late as always, and miss one day of work (nothing unusual there either), she worries that I may be suicidal again. She blames my past suicide attempt on my ex. The truth is, that was my choice. I felt bad about my life. No one can make you try to kill yourself. So this is the current predicament. She knows I'm flying to Atlanta this weekend. She also knows the 706 area code on the phone bill and caller ID. Then again, she also knows of my old high school friend now living in Atlanta. It's my mom. I know she's assuming I'm meeting someone from the internet. She's not an idiot. I know she's assuming it's very serious too. Like I said, she's not an idiot. Anything beyond that, though, is a mystery to me as to what she's thinking and what she knows. So when I return from Georgia I will have a talk with her. Not a dicussion. I will tell her what I want her to know and that will be it, reminding her that this is my life.

8/30/2 - I just realized that this journal could be getting very boring to some of you out there. And I have a solution. Deal with it!
My first week of the semester is done. Once again, I shouldn't have much busy homework this time around. But I'll probably have up to 300 pages of reading each week. But my professors are all babying us so much. They're actually giving us copies of their notes so we don't have to write so much! What the hell is that? Excuse me, but isn't this college? Poor us if we might take 5 pages of notes a week. Give me a friggin' break! My better high school teachers didn't even pull this crap.
I figure to speed up my development of skin cancer over the next month or two thanks to my tennis class being at 12:30 . . . in Texas. Shit happens. If I die, I die.
I have received some notes this summer in regards to my concern for my physical appearance. I have little to say on this matter, since I do not need to explain myself to anyone, but I will say this: My talk about my weight and fat% is not about looks. It's about health. I don't expect the tubs of lard out there who have no concern for their health to understand. They'll be dead before they hit 60, and won't they be sorry they didn't listen to me. I don't get off on insulting the overfat and obese. I'd gladly help them, if only they really wanted the help. But as far as my looks go, my only concern there is that as a personal trainer my body is a big part of my resume. Who's going to respect the training advice of someone who has a potbelly and thunder thighs? At the same time, most people are intimidated by trainers with biceps bigger than the average woman's waist. I'm something between. Like I said before, I'm not Mr. Universe or Captain Underpants Model. I'm Andy . . . more recently prefering to go by Andrew. Have a nice day.

8/24/2 - For years I have complained about mobile phones. They're an expensive toy and very few people really have much of a need for them. Having reminded everyone of that, a few weeks ago I bought a cell phone. I figured if I was going to be talking to Becca long distance very much the free long distance on a cell phone would be cheaper than paying for cheap service on a land line. I opted for Sprint PCS, 350 anytime and 3650 night and weekend minutes for /month. Free long distance and no roaming charges. The next week I saw Verizon with 600 anytime and unlimited night and weekend, and free long distance. Roaming charges apply, but my local calling area is most of Texas. So I canceled Sprint and switched to Verizon. You might think that 3650 night and weekend minutes is plenty for recreational calling. Um, sure it is. That breaks down to about 2 hours a day, and yes, I often talk more than that. But keep in mind, this phone service is not so I can call someone and tell them that I'm 5 minutes form their house. It's not so I can tell someone a random joke while I'm on a break at work because I'm bored. It's for the cheaper lng distance. But Becca really wanted me to tell everyone that I have used my phone while driving. Yes, I complain about other people doing it. The first two times I used it was on the way to Memphis. She called me to see how far away I was. The third time was on the way home from Memphis to give my mom and estimated arrival time (she worries too much). The third time was while Becca was in the hospital. It was my lunch break and I didn't want to cut the call short. Okay, that one you'll either call me a putz or make your little "awww" noise. Take your pick.
College classes start for me this Tuesday. My schedule is once again full 7 days a week until I find a new job. I have classes Tuesday and Thursday 8-5. I work the other 5 days. My goal is to work 3 or 4 days a week, giving me a day or two of nothingness each week. Don't we all need a little nothingness in our life?
I'm using these crest white strips on my teeth. I just bought a box today for almost . Sounds expensive, but if it work it'll be worth it. I tried the trays before. They worked, but the taste is disgusting and the trays irritate my gums after a while. I have the strips in now and I can barely feel or taste them. The only problem I think may exist is that they only cover your front 6 teeth or so. So if you have a really big smile your bicuspids may look nasty in comparison to the rest of your smile. But I think I can handle 2 30 minute sessions of these strips for 2 weeks. I'll try to remember to give you a final update in 14 days.
I have been neglecting Chameleon Works for a while. Don't expect that to change much in the near future. I may actually have to send a couple hours a week on school work this semester. 3 of my 6 classes are academic. Am history, Am government and psychology of sports. I have a feeling it will mostly be reading, which, to me, is worse than work.
No, I don't have the Boston or Tennessee videos done!
I went shopping today. Yes, I actually did. Last time I shopped for clothes was the weekend before I went to TN. I purchased quite a few things. I would like to say I did a good job. I could say that if I didn't mind wearing 36-38 size underwear. I found my size undies and grabbed two pairs, not realizing that the idiot stockers didn't keep things organized, so I have a pack of nice new mediums and a pack of mammoth man guarders. Today I purchased the correct size again, and as long as I was out decided to look for some more shirts. I was proud of my Ping polo, originally marked down to . Yes, guys like saving money too. We just don't feel the need to spend 9 hours shopping to buy one shirt and save , only to make plans to return and do it all again next weekend. The most disappointing this for me this shopping trip was confirming that I cannot wear a large shirt. My wardrobe used to consist of large only. Today I wear shrunken mediums and soon may need to start looking at smalls. It's not just that I've lost weight. Clothing manufacturers have caught on to the wigger trend and now make shirts way too big. I have tried no medium sized shirts that hang half way down my thigh. I could almost use them as a tent! That's just wrong. Fortunately I am only noticing this with big name brands like Ralph, Tommy, CK, Ping, Nike, etc. I can still go buy my cheap Pluma polos at Sam's and those mediums fit like a glove.

8/20/2 - It's finally official. I am a certified personal trainer. It took me just 6 weeks to complete the course, and 8 weeks for them to grade the exam and send my certificate. Unfortunately, just as many people do, they spelled my last name wrong, so they will be issuing me a new certificate and card.
Next month, September 12th to be exact -- just one day after my birthday -- I will be leaving for Georgia. What, you might ask, is in Georgia? That would be Becca. Our meeting in Memphis went so well earlier this month that we've decided to see each other again. Besides, we've known each other for over 4 years and have been spending insane amounts of time on the phone with each other lately. This has really turned into something serious. Jason, don't freak out. Mom will find out soon enough. You know how she is. I have to break it to her slowly. She talks a good game about wanting her kids to be happy in a relationship, but it never quite seems to be right for her. Take, for example, my sister. She's married now. And although my mom really likes my brother-in-law, she was very weary about the whole thing in the beginning. Okay, she has supported my few dates in the last couple of years, even though she didn't know any of the girls. But they were all local, and that is very important to her. She even tried to suggest to me that I date some women at work. For those of you who don't know, my mom and I work in the same store. It's really not cool when your mom butts into your love life like that. I don't want to get too mushy on any of you, but until this summer I don't know that I ever had much of a love life. I'm going to leave it at that for now. No point in going over the top on everyone just yet. :)

8/13/2 - Sometimes the biggest changes in your life can happen in the shortest amount of time. Sometimes things that have been right in front of you for so long can suddenly stand out like you never imagined possible. There's a priceless painting on the wall that you've been glancing at for quite some time. One day you suddenly have x-ray vision and can see through the painting, noticing something even more valuable inside of it, but the only way to get the treasure is to dismantle the painting, taking a chance to destroy it and the item inside. What do you do?

8/12/2 - My trip this weekend was great. I didn't even mind driving 1,500 miles in three days. It was well worth it. Not just because I revisited my birthplace, which was actually a rather low point of the weekend (I found part of my old school was burned down, an old family restaurant where we used to eat was boarded up, my grandparents house was torn down, and I could even find my old house), but mainly because of Becca. And that's all I'm going to say here. Sorry, but only the priveleged few will get to hear more.

8/8/2 - It's past 11PM, which really isn't at all late for me these days. These are times when I frequently stay awake to 1 or 2 while still rising at 7 for work the next day. Tonight's a little different, though, because tomorrow I will get up at 5 and leave for Tennessee soon after that. This trip is important to me for many reasons. I will be visiting the town where I was born -- Paris, TN. I haven't been there since I was 6, and with the exception of some very fuzzy memories I do not know what to expect there. It's going to be very strange for me. That place has always meant a lot to me. Sure, it's a black hole in the middle of the hick capital of the world, but I left part of myself there 17 years ago.
The thing is, there's something even bigger for me this weekend than Paris. I'll be meeting an old friend there. Many of you already know about Becca. We've been friends off and on for more then 4 years, relying solely on the internet, phone calls, and a couple snail mailings. We've seen each other through a lot of crap. Both of us have gone through the hardest times of our lives in the last 4 years and we've seen the other come out a better person. Few people know me as well as she. And according to her, very few people know as much about her as do I.
Since this is someone I met over the internet, no, I have not spoken to too many friends or family about it. In fact, my brother will be one of the only people in my "real life" who knows, and that's because he's the only one who ever reads this. This isn't the kind of thing I tell my mom about. No, she would go into shock and assume that Becca is just like one of my ex-gfs who I also met online. But she's not. I was much younger and less experienced back then. I'm not so naive today (let's hope I don't revert tomorrow).
In other news, I still have only 2 tapes from Boston captured. Only a handful of you are actually anxious to see them, so this won't concern most of you. When I return from Tennessee I will probably have another tape or two to capture and edit, so stay on the lookout for that as well at Chameleon Works.
I finally broke down and bought a cell phone this week. I told myself that I would hold out as long as possible because I completely despise the idea of a mobile phone, but it really is the most practical thing for me at this point. With most of my friends living in other states and free long distance I really can't beat it. I had to make sure and purchase the bulkiest phone I could find, however, so it doesn't really seem like a cell phone. But I'm not fooling anyone. This thing is still 1/5th the size of my normal phone. Another upside to this thing is that I will be able to cancel my land line and spend that money on Broadband internet access.
I still can't believe I have one of these ridiculous phones. No, I won't be one of the morons you see talking on their phone while driving, or in a checkout line, as if anyone has anything so urgent to talk about. No you don't. Shut up! You only wish you did. Deep down you know you're just lonely and like to play with your toy.

8/6/2 - Bad feelings take precedence.

8/2/2 - Missed TKD all this week because of an injury to the ligament that connects to my right bicep. Should be good enough to resume weightlifting tomorrow.
In other news, I've felt like shit for most of the day, mainly thanks to a phone call last night. Actually it's not the phone call. It's just me dealing with my issues, as they came up in the phone call. So my stomach has been knotted up all day long. It just has to do with me and my inability to be happy in a relationship. I find ways to make any datable person seem undatable. I really can't get past a first date with anyone. I've had some second dates recently, but I knew after the first one that the relationship wouldn't go anywhere. This is more than I want to get into here.
I have imported 2 tapes from my trip to Boston. 2 still to go (I think). I'm not going to bother pulling out clips or pictures until I get everything on my hard drive, which is filling up fast, by the way. It's 75gb formatted. My videos alone are taking up 30gb, and I hardly have anything on it. Of course, my retarded certification video is taking up at least half of that. As soon as the certification comes through (should have had it last week) I'll delete the extra files and shrink it down. Anyway, I should still have enough room for the other 2 tapes. The thing is, though, I'm going to Tennessee next weekend and will shoot another tape or two. I need another big hard drive. The 80 and 10 just aren't going to cut it. Does anyone have two 160gb's they'd like to give me?

7/29/2 - It's been about 3 weeks since I've been to a Tae Kwon Do class. Last week I was in Boston. The week before I was also in Boston, and packing. Before that I was getting beat down at work. Today I strained a tendon in my arm, so no class tonight either. I most likely won't get to test for my purple belt next month. My pattern and sparring are solid. I'm sure I could get the board break down with another week of practice. I just don't have enough attendance points. Oh well. This will be my third missed test.
Looks like I'll be going out of town again in 2 weeks. This time to Tennessee. While there I'm going to check out the town where I was born, and meet up with a friend. Should be spiffy, and weird. You know things change when you revisit your past. I haven't been to TN since I was 6. Everything will seem smaller, and probably uglier.
I still haven't begun work on my footage from the trip. There's less than 4 hours, but I plan to work it down to 20-25 minutes. Yes, I will write more music for the soundtrack. I might recycle some things too. Depends on my mood and available time.
Chameleon Works hasn't seen much progress in the last few weeks, mainly because of my trip. But expect to see some updates shortly.
I will also be implementing Grey Matter here shortly. Well, not here. By then this journal will be moved to Chameleon Works so I can use the cgi-bin. For those of you who don't know, Grey Matter is a software program that will allow me to create an interactive online journal. You, the reader, will be able to add comments to my journal. That's the main feature, but this thing has a bizillion other little add-ons I can do, so keep on the lookout for that. Expect the release before October.
Who thinks I need to change my hair?

7/25/2 - Current Weight/Body Fat% - 164.2 lbs./12.1%
Back from Boston. Ate like a pig, gained a pound or two but somehow dropped my fat percentage. I didn't lift any weights. Must have been that 1000 ft. mountain climb straight up the ski slope in an hour and a half. And look what else:

You are an angel.

What legend are you?. Take the Legendary Being Quiz by Paradox

7/17/2 - Wow. Updates 2 days in a row. I can't remember the last time I did that.
I'm all packed and I didn't have to leave much behind. No tripod for the camcorder. No extra pants or dress shirts -- just in case. I have the necessities, like my camping supplies. And now my mom is paranoid that they won't let me take it all, even though it's checked and no going to be on board with me just because I have a shovel and some knives. Excuse me if I want to be able to cut things when I'm camping!

7/16/2 - I'm striping tapes for my trip. I'm on the 6th one, and I have 13. I probably will have to finish up there. For those of you who don't know, striping is a way to get the time code on your tape sequenced so when you try to capture to your computer the system can read everything and make sense out of it in a timeline. That'sa crapy explanation and you can send all "Andrew is a moron" email to andrew@chameleonworks.com.
I have very little packing done, but I'm still adding things to my list and asking my brother what I need to bring for camping and other stuff.
I really hope they don't make some big deal about a hatchet and some knives in my checked luggage. I know they won't even check it, but that would so totally suck if they did.

7/14/2 - Current Weight/Body Fat% - 162.1lbs./13.925%
Yesterday was my CPR and First Aid training, so I'm certified to break your ribs if I can't find your pulse and tie your legs together if you complain about one of them hurting.
After finishing the course yesterday I went ahead and applied to a gym. Application and resume are submitted. They supposedly have like 15 openings here in Plano, so I ought to here something back, especially when they say that training certification isn't even required. I tried to apply to another gym but they required so much information! I felt like I was being interrogated or something. I don't think our politicians expose this much information about themselves before being elected. Drug test? Fine. Background check? Sure. Credit? Driving record? Previous adresses? To be a personal trainer? What the hell???
I leave for Boston in 4 days. My flight takes off at 7:30am, so I'm going to have to get up at like 5:00 or earlier. Can we say "DAMN!"?
Scenario:
You're trying to lose weight, both to look better and be healthier. You a lot of workout equipment at your disposal and a relative who knows a lot about fitness and health. Would you:
A)Complain about your weight anytime you have problems with clothes, see your picture, or see how thinner people are treated better, then proceed to lay on the couch and flip channels;
B)Seek the advice of this know-it-all relative and work at losing the weight;
C)Make sure you have a wide variety of fattening foods in the house, and rush to Krispy Kreme because you got a coupon for a dozen donuts for only $1;
D) both A and C

7/12/2 - I figured 4 months of entries was long enough to justify starting a new page. I've been keeping this journal for like...I don't know, 17 months maybe? I could go and look at the first page but I don't really care to.
I'm getting stuffed crust pizza for dinner tonight. Sounds very yummy for my tummy. I may eat Cici's for lunch at work once or twice a week, but one can hardly call that pizza.
I'm so looking forward to my trip to Boston next week. This past week was rather hellish at work. The 6 straight days wasn't even the main problem. I was just totally drained of physical and mental energy because of the shitwits with who I work. One is an 18 year old muscle bound, steroid shooting horn ball who does little more than talk about cars, women, and muscles. He asks me constantly about suppliments and exercise, then doesn't take my advice. He wants the easy way out. Instead of doing some cardio work he says his 3-4 days in the warehouse is enough along with some Xenedrine. No dude. You need to add extra workouts if you want to lose your baby fat. And no matter how many times I warn him about over doing the weight training he keeps on truckin'. Whatever. He's not paying me so I'm going to stop trying to help. The thing about him that really pisses me off is that he's one of the worst workers I've ever been around. He's constantly in a daze and insists that he has to be asked before he's going to help anyone. Okay, figure this one out for yourself. If you see a little 160 pound dude picking up a sofa to slide a 4 wheel dolly under it, and he can't get the dolly centered with his foot do you think it would be better to A)bend down and center up the dolly for him B) watch him struggle for a few more seconds until he gets it or C) walk over to someone else and start up a conversation about new purple headlights for your retarded Civic? And then there's the joker who is too busy calling everyone "bitch" and "fag" to actually do his job. It's so damn irritating when I can unload and reload a trailer by myself, along with all of the computer work involved, faster than I can get one trailer unloaded with those two guys helping. I hate my job, so I will stop talking about it.
Tomorrow is my 9 hour long CPR and First Aid certification course. I have to drive into downtown Dallas in the crack ho part of town. I'm so not thrilled about the idea of having to perform mouth to mouth on those dummies. Who the hell knows what's been done to them?
Chameleon Works is still coming along slowly. I have begun work on the Tae Kwon Do section. I plan to list basic information on patterns and techniques, along with some history of the art and pictures and video of my own demonstrations.
Oh, now I rememebr why I started talking about work in the first place. My trip to Boston. Expect much video footage since I'm taking the camcorder. I don't know how many photos I'll have. What I do post will probably just be still captures from the videos since I don't have a digi cam and I'm tired of paying for photo development and then scanning everything in. Crappy how my timing works. I'll have the money for a digi cam about 4 weeks after I get back from the trip. Heh. And about 2 or 3 weeks after I get back I'm going to try to go back to Tennesee, where I was born and spent the first 6 years of my life. I have some blurry memories, and I'm looking forward to revisiting that part of my life. I'm sure the house and the land is smaller than I remember it. The whole town is probably smaller than I remember. I'm trying to arrange a 3 or 4 day weekend from work before school start back up. If I do get to go, again, expect much video footage.

 

Continued